Not having a car...is really great

Last night I went out with a few friends in Dupont Circle for dinner and drinks.  We started at the Lucky Bar and then moved on to the Mad Hatter just down the street.  Washington, DC has a fairly comprehensive metro system and is also very walkable.  No need for a designated driver, no worrying about parking tickets/spaces, no need to worry about how I was going to get home.  It is marvelous...

After living in LA for so many years and dealing with traffic, I am realizing that I am in such a better mood without having to spend 2 hours a day fighting with other cars on the 10 freeway.  Here are some other things I've observed and enjoy about the city:

1. People watching - On the metro there are so many different people.  Women with really cute dresses and shoes, men in suits, kids, and tourists speaking all sorts of different languages.   It can get a bit busy during rush hour, but getting poked by an umbrella is a lot better than getting rear-ended by a car.
2. Window-shopping - As I mentioned, everyone walks so stores have really fascinating window displays to attract customers.  One of my favorites is Kramerbooks, they have all kinds of books plus a cafe/restaurant in the back.  There is also a Krispy Kreme right next to the Metro entrance and the hot sign is usually on, so many temptations!
3. Architecture - Many of the buildings have really ornate stone work with carved arches and spires.  St. Matthew's down the street looks like a small, red stone church from the outside, but the sanctuary inside has a glorious, gilded dome with an intricate mosaic depicting scenes from the life of Jesus. 
4.  History and Culture - I haven't even begun to explore yet, but this is a city filled with memories.  So many memorials dedicated to soldiers and past wars.  It is sobering to see the lists of the dead and to wonder who they were in life.  I think my favorite place so far is the Lincoln Memorial because the words of the Gettysburg Address ask us to renew our dedication to unity as a nation - fitting words in these divided times. 
5. Important people everywhere - Working on Capitol hill gives me access to the basement subway that connects the Senate, Capitol and House buildings.  Underground all of the buildings is a labyrinth of hallways and doorways all leading off to unknown locations.  I imagine this is what Hogwarts might be like with hidden stairways and secret chambers.  I've bumped into senators in the hallway and see the news crews covering hearings.  (I apologize for the vagueness here, I'm not supposed to give too many specifics on work).

Preparing to leave the City of Angels

Today was my last day attending Church of the Redeemer before embarking on a summer in Washington, D.C. I promised too keep people updated on my adventures "back east," so I am reopening my blog after a really long time away. For anyone I haven't told, I'll be spending 12 weeks working for the Senate to fulfill my internship requirement for school.

At the moment, life is pretty insane. I am attempting to get my room packed up while at the same time finishing final papers and assignments at UCLA. At times I just feel overwhelmed, but I'm trying to make time to say goodbye and have good closure with friends in South Los Angeles since when I return in the fall I plan to live closer to campus.

This transition feels like the end of a chapter in my life. In South LA, I've found incredible community and have been blessed to be surrounded by many great friends who have helped me grow and seek healing in many aspects of my life.

One thing I will miss is the throbbing rhythms of the city. The sound of ice-cream trucks and street vendors is so familiar now that I hardly notice it, and somewhere there's always a party happening with loud music playing all night. Almost every Sunday I ride my bike over to USC to play Ultimate Frisbee and pass by the beautiful roses and giant T-Rex at the National History Museum. Outside my window, the parrots have learned how to imitate car alarms and the dogs rarely stop barking. Its loud and sometimes obnoxious, but it is home...

But now it is time to leave on a new journey, to step out in trust, believing that God has something great in store for me. May I look forward in anticipation rather than fear of the unknown!

Sackcloth and Ashes

I always thought wearing sackcloth and ashes seemed like an odd way to express mourning and sadness. This biblical practice was a physical expression of anguish and grief over sin and a way of visibly demonstrating repentance. If anyone tried to do that in Los Angeles today, they would probably find themselves quickly arrested or written off as crazy. Yet, I do wish we had a modern equivalent because we as a city need an old testament prophet to call us to repentance. Would Los Angeles listen? Would we turn from our evil ways?

The incident that sparked this post happened on the Sunday before Labor Day in Westlake a few miles from where I live. On Tuesday, I ran into a friend near USC who told me about a fatal shooting at a bus stop near her house by the police. Manuel Jamines was a Guatemalan immigrant who appeared to be drunk and threatened a few people with a knife. According to some reports, he didn't speak Spanish or English. An officer opened fire and killed him with two shots in the head. Immediately the area around McArthur Park erupted in pent-up anger against the police for a seemingly senseless murder when non-lethal force could have been used. For three nights in a row, people filled the streets, blocked traffic, rolled dumpsters down the hill and the news media eagerly covered all the chaos in breathless detail.

Late on Tuesday, when I gave my friend a ride home from USC, we started seeing crowds of people gathering in the streets. People crossed in front of my car without seeming to care whether I stopped and when I tried to turn left, someone deliberately placed an orange cone in front of my car and stared at me. They gestured for me to turn around and go back. They finally moved when my friend rolled down her window and said she just wanted to go home. She lives across the street from the Rampart police station and cops and their cars were all over the place. On my way home, three cop cars blocked my way and one officer flashed his light and made me turn around. By this point, I was starting to panic and wondered if I'd be able to find a way home safely out of the chaos. Fortunately, I made it home safely, but it was a close call.

That night, I lay awake, wanting to weep for the brokenness of my city. The community lives in fear of the police who are supposed to protect us, but instead they so often seem to bring strife. The police claim they act in self-defense and only use necessary force, but too often the headlines are filled with their indiscriminate abuse of power.

We are called the City of Angels, but sometimes all I see is evil around me. Perhaps we need to rediscover how to weep and cry out against injustice and ask God to heal our land, to bring restoration and wholeness to our city. Let us remember to pray for peace and perhaps go find some sackcloth...

Ruthless Trust

I am loving not having a job. Ordinarily this would be cause for anxiety but I actually should be starting a new job in a few weeks. So now I have a couple of weeks during which to read, travel, clean my room, hang out with friends and do a lot of stuff that I had been neglecting. However, I'm also realizing how much I need structure in my life to get anything done. Its very strange to go from waking up every day at 6:30am and knowing that I have to be somewhere until at least 5pm, to having a full 24 hours a day to do whatever I want.

One of books I am re-reading is called, Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. In it, Brennan defines ruthless trust in God as one that is "without pity" meaning that he takes a stance against all the "self-pity" that is so prevalent in our culture. "He is calling us to a trust that stoutly refuses to regard self-interest as the highest good in life...it is an attack on all the egocentric hyphenated self-sins of our day: self-indulgence, self-will, self-service, self-aggrandizement, self-gratification, self-righteousness, self-sufficiency, etc." Brennan tells of a trust that is grounded in a solid and unshakable knowledge that the Lord of heaven loves every human being he has created. He does not ask us to gloss over the jaw-dropping horrors of the earthquake in Haiti or fail to see the daily miseries of life in order to trust, but simply asks us to give up the semblance of control and let God lead our lives. While this seems childishly simple, to actually practice this trust is much harder. This trust is not an abdication of hard work or of asking God to wave his magic wand and make hardship disappear, rather it is the recognition that the Lord is sovereign even when he doesn't intervene in exactly the way we had hoped.

To make this less abstract, I cite my recent job transition from LA Health Action. I worked with the organization for nearly two years, through multiple staff transitions, uncertain funding and some really difficult situations. In the last few months, my motivation and desire to stay with the organization has been diminishing as it has become increasingly clear that we lacked good leadership and direction. One afternoon, I received a phone call from LA County Department of Public Health with a job offer to come work in the planning, development and evaluation department. What excellent news!

I began to plan my departure and figure out how to break the news to my one remaining co-worker that I would be leaving her to run this struggling organization on her own. After turning in my letter of resignation on a Thursday, things really began to explode. We had an argument the following Tuesday and accusations and distrust blossomed where before there had seemed to be a close working relationship. Last week I think I cried at least ten times because I felt so betrayed and angered. We stumbled through the week, barely speaking to each other, yet falsely smiling on the outside and pretending everything was fine. Finally, last Friday it became clear that I needed to get out immediately, so I cleared out my desk, saved my files and left the office for good.

Throughout, I kept praying for strength and courage to end well but everything still seemed to be collapsing into chaos. Kind co-workers sought me out and prayed for me when I didn't know what to do and helped me not feel so depressed about leaving so abruptly. Although there's still some lingering anger and bitterness, I begin to see how it is really a good thing to have some time off between jobs. I never would have chosen to end my job this way, but now I have the space to reflect on grad school and travel to visit friends. This experience confirms that God is sovereign in every situation and that he is worthy of unconditional trust.

Flying Triathletes!

This is our triathlon team that competed on September 13th at Zuma Beach. As you can see, we are not only great at swimming, biking and running but also at flying.

Returning from Sacramento

It has been almost a year since my last post and of course there is too much to post here.

The past few days and weeks have been incredible which is why I'm posting now. I'm in the airport returning from Sacramento after a week of the Women's Policy Institute. It is a public policy training program and we have been learning all about how bills are drafted, heard in policy committees and (hopefully) signed into law by the governor. The other fellows are all ages and backgrounds, some run their own organizations in domestic violence, elder services, environmental policy and reproductive justice to name a few. In only a 4 short days, I've bonded with my team over sushi and laughter and I can't wait to continue working together on our policy project. Our team will select an issue related to elders and will shepherd it through the legislative process in hopes of creating an effective law. Over the next three retreats, I know all 24 fellows will grow closer and I'm sure many may become life-long friends.

Another really incredible adventure began this past Sunday at 3:40am. I awoke groggily to pile my bike into the car and drive to Malibu to compete in the team triathlon with Children's Hospital LA. Our relay team consisted of Scott swimming 1/2 mile, me biking 18 miles and Gerardo running the final 4 miles. I felt really nervous leading up to the event, but once I got on my bike my anxieties melted away and I loved the sensation of flying down the open road. The sense of accomplishment and the joy of doing something together is addictive, so hopefully I'll get to race again soon. I'll post pictures in a later post.

Both these experiences were about overcoming fear and learning to trust God. There is nothing like going out on a limb for focusing the mind. I'm so grateful to God for providing these opportunities and can't wait for the next adventure.