whispered in the sounds of silence

Blessed are the Peacemakers

2011-08-05T21:32:00.000-07:00

"Blessed are the Peacemakers for they shall be called children of God."
~ Matthew 5:9

I visited the Pentagon this week and discovered that the US Air Force has a plane called the B-36 Peacemaker that is capable of carrying 86,000 pounds of bombs. During the Cold War it advanced the policy of "peace through strength" or nuclear deterrence with the Soviet Union. Does this strike you as ironic that a plane capable of carrying enough explosives to destroy and maim thousands of people is called a peacemaker?

I doubt this is what Matthew had in mind when he said that peacemakers would be blessed and called children of God. Thomas Merton sums it up best, "The "cold war" is simply the normal consequence of our corrupt idea of a peace based on a policy of "every man for himself" in ethics, economics and political life. It is absurd to hope for a solid peace based on fictions and illusions! So instead of loving what you think is peace, love other men and love God above all. And instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace, then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed - but hate these things in yourself, not in another (New Seeds of Contemplation, 122).

Although Merton wrote specifically concerning the cold war, his words seem to be timeless in that they could be applied to the most recent political jousting that occurred during the debt ceiling debate. Both the GOP and the Democrats approached the problem with self-righteous, moral indignation declaring the other side to be completely wrong in what "the American people want their elected leaders to do." Neither side could concede that perhaps the other might have something to offer and lacked the courage to trust, because in order to trust one must believe in God. Let me unpack that statement...

"It is not only our hatred of others that is dangerous but also and above all our hatred of ourselves: particularly that hatred of ourselves which is too deep and too powerful to be consciously faced. For it is this which makes us see our own evil in others and unable to see it in ourselves." (Merton, 112)

The ferocity and rhetoric around how best to lower the deficit without shredding the social safety net involved scapegoating everyone that is not "us." Many news reports stated, the "government is filled with fraud and abuse" or "tax the rich, they can afford it" or "it is the immigrants who are stealing our jobs and spending our healthcare dollars..." Yet, did anyone ever pause long enough to think that perhaps the problem isn't from outside of ourselves but within each of us? Including those who claim to be Christians? In fact, many of the most pernicious debates could be boiled down to this one issue.

Gay Marriage - we fear that allowing gays to marry will somehow make our own marriages less legitimate. During the hearing on the "defense of marriage act" many of the christian witnesses made the outrageous claim that legalizing gay marriage would open the floodgates to polygamy and undermine the nuclear family, when in fact allowing these unions would result in greater stability and financial security.
Abortion - we fear that allowing women the choice to have an abortion will result in many unborn children being killed. Yet this ignores the fact that women every day around the world seek out unsanitary, unsafe abortions because they have no legal alternative. Indeed, what about the rights of those already born? Those born into squalor because our greed has robbed them of basic food and shelter?
Immigration - we fear that our way of life, our families and cultural traditions that we hold most dear will be overrun by outsiders. We perceive "them" as a faceless horde at the gates, just waiting to rush in, steal jobs, use scarce healthcare services, refuse to learn English... Yet, what about the many contributions immigrants have made to our country?

All of these issues could fairly be summed up as a fear of the other, of those who are not like "us." We do not see that gay couples are our neighbors and co-workers. We fail to recognize that someone who seeks an abortion could easily be our sister, daughter, or friend. We do not remember that our nation is great because it has welcomed immigrants who bring it cultural diversity and innovation.

In order to recognize these truths, we must be able to stop hating others and that is only possible when we stop hating ourselves. We hate ourselves and everything we do that is unjust, selfish and terrible, but the only way to break this cycle of hatred is through forgiveness. Not just a simple apology, but atonement, or completely wiping the scoreboard and starting anew. The only way this is possible is through the forgiveness of Jesus Christ who takes away our sins and gives us a fresh start.

The message of Christ has been so perverted in our society, that this simple yet profound truth has often been completely obscured. Yet, it is the only way that we as individuals and as a society can have any hope of moving forward. We need salvation and the promise that though we continue to fail and make mistakes, we are not condemned to judgement for our past wrongs. Jesus offers forgiveness and the opportunity to trust other failed humans, because we know that we too have failed. Forgiveness provides the ability to break the cycle of evil and hatred, not through destroying it in another, but recognizing and accepting the healing we so desperately need.

Not having a car...is really great

2011-06-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

Last night I went out with a few friends in Dupont Circle for dinner and drinks. We started at the Lucky Bar and then moved on to the Mad Hatter just down the street. Washington, DC has a fairly comprehensive metro system and is also very walkable. No need for a designated driver, no worrying about parking tickets/spaces, no need to worry about how I was going to get home. It is marvelous...

After living in LA for so many years and dealing with traffic, I am realizing that I am in such a better mood without having to spend 2 hours a day fighting with other cars on the 10 freeway. Here are some other things I've observed and enjoy about the city:

People watching - On the metro there are so many different people. Women with really cute dresses and shoes, men in suits, kids, and tourists speaking all sorts of different languages. It can get a bit busy during rush hour, but getting poked by an umbrella is a lot better than getting rear-ended by a car.
Window-shopping - As I mentioned, everyone walks so stores have really fascinating window displays to attract customers. One of my favorites is Kramerbooks, they have all kinds of books plus a cafe/restaurant in the back. There is also a Krispy Kreme right next to the Metro entrance and the hot sign is usually on, so many temptations!
Architecture - Many of the buildings have really ornate stone work with carved arches and spires. St. Matthew's down the street looks like a small, red stone church from the outside, but the sanctuary inside has a glorious, gilded dome with an intricate mosaic depicting scenes from the life of Jesus.
History and Culture - I haven't even begun to explore yet, but this is a city filled with memories. So many memorials dedicated to soldiers and past wars. It is sobering to see the lists of the dead and to wonder who they were in life. I think my favorite place so far is the Lincoln Memorial because the words of the Gettysburg Address ask us to renew our dedication to unity as a nation - fitting words in these divided times.
Important people everywhere - Working on Capitol hill gives me access to the basement subway that connects the Senate, Capitol and House buildings. Underground all of the buildings is a labyrinth of hallways and doorways all leading off to unknown locations. I imagine this is what Hogwarts might be like with hidden stairways and secret chambers. I've bumped into senators in the hallway and see the news crews covering hearings. (I apologize for the vagueness here, I'm not supposed to give too many specifics on work).

Preparing to leave the City of Angels

2011-05-29T21:08:00.001-07:00

Today was my last day attending Church of the Redeemer before embarking on a summer in Washington, D.C. I promised too keep people updated on my adventures "back east," so I am reopening my blog after a really long time away. For anyone I haven't told, I'll be spending 12 weeks working for the Senate to fulfill my internship requirement for school.

At the moment, life is pretty insane. I am attempting to get my room packed up while at the same time finishing final papers and assignments at UCLA. At times I just feel overwhelmed, but I'm trying to make time to say goodbye and have good closure with friends in South Los Angeles since when I return in the fall I plan to live closer to campus.

This transition feels like the end of a chapter in my life. In South LA, I've found incredible community and have been blessed to be surrounded by many great friends who have helped me grow and seek healing in many aspects of my life.

One thing I will miss is the throbbing rhythms of the city. The sound of ice-cream trucks and street vendors is so familiar now that I hardly notice it, and somewhere there's always a party happening with loud music playing all night. Almost every Sunday I ride my bike over to USC to play Ultimate Frisbee and pass by the beautiful roses and giant T-Rex at the National History Museum. Outside my window, the parrots have learned how to imitate car alarms and the dogs rarely stop barking. Its loud and sometimes obnoxious, but it is home...

But now it is time to leave on a new journey, to step out in trust, believing that God has something great in store for me. May I look forward in anticipation rather than fear of the unknown!

Sackcloth and Ashes

2010-09-11T01:55:00.001-07:00

I always thought wearing sackcloth and ashes seemed like an odd way to express mourning and sadness. This biblical practice was a physical expression of anguish and grief over sin and a way of visibly demonstrating repentance. If anyone tried to do that in Los Angeles today, they would probably find themselves quickly arrested or written off as crazy. Yet, I do wish we had a modern equivalent because we as a city need an old testament prophet to call us to repentance. Would Los Angeles listen? Would we turn from our evil ways?

The incident that sparked this post happened on the Sunday before Labor Day in Westlake a few miles from where I live. On Tuesday, I ran into a friend near USC who told me about a fatal shooting at a bus stop near her house by the police. Manuel Jamines was a Guatemalan immigrant who appeared to be drunk and threatened a few people with a knife. According to some reports, he didn't speak Spanish or English. An officer opened fire and killed him with two shots in the head. Immediately the area around McArthur Park erupted in pent-up anger against the police for a seemingly senseless murder when non-lethal force could have been used. For three nights in a row, people filled the streets, blocked traffic, rolled dumpsters down the hill and the news media eagerly covered all the chaos in breathless detail.

Late on Tuesday, when I gave my friend a ride home from USC, we started seeing crowds of people gathering in the streets. People crossed in front of my car without seeming to care whether I stopped and when I tried to turn left, someone deliberately placed an orange cone in front of my car and stared at me. They gestured for me to turn around and go back. They finally moved when my friend rolled down her window and said she just wanted to go home. She lives across the street from the Rampart police station and cops and their cars were all over the place. On my way home, three cop cars blocked my way and one officer flashed his light and made me turn around. By this point, I was starting to panic and wondered if I'd be able to find a way home safely out of the chaos. Fortunately, I made it home safely, but it was a close call.

That night, I lay awake, wanting to weep for the brokenness of my city. The community lives in fear of the police who are supposed to protect us, but instead they so often seem to bring strife. The police claim they act in self-defense and only use necessary force, but too often the headlines are filled with their indiscriminate abuse of power.

We are called the City of Angels, but sometimes all I see is evil around me. Perhaps we need to rediscover how to weep and cry out against injustice and ask God to heal our land, to bring restoration and wholeness to our city. Let us remember to pray for peace and perhaps go find some sackcloth...

Ruthless Trust

2010-02-25T16:33:00.000-08:00

I am loving not having a job. Ordinarily this would be cause for anxiety but I actually should be starting a new job in a few weeks. So now I have a couple of weeks during which to read, travel, clean my room, hang out with friends and do a lot of stuff that I had been neglecting. However, I'm also realizing how much I need structure in my life to get anything done. Its very strange to go from waking up every day at 6:30am and knowing that I have to be somewhere until at least 5pm, to having a full 24 hours a day to do whatever I want.

One of books I am re-reading is called, Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. In it, Brennan defines ruthless trust in God as one that is "without pity" meaning that he takes a stance against all the "self-pity" that is so prevalent in our culture. "He is calling us to a trust that stoutly refuses to regard self-interest as the highest good in life...it is an attack on all the egocentric hyphenated self-sins of our day: self-indulgence, self-will, self-service, self-aggrandizement, self-gratification, self-righteousness, self-sufficiency, etc." Brennan tells of a trust that is grounded in a solid and unshakable knowledge that the Lord of heaven loves every human being he has created. He does not ask us to gloss over the jaw-dropping horrors of the earthquake in Haiti or fail to see the daily miseries of life in order to trust, but simply asks us to give up the semblance of control and let God lead our lives. While this seems childishly simple, to actually practice this trust is much harder. This trust is not an abdication of hard work or of asking God to wave his magic wand and make hardship disappear, rather it is the recognition that the Lord is sovereign even when he doesn't intervene in exactly the way we had hoped.

To make this less abstract, I cite my recent job transition from LA Health Action. I worked with the organization for nearly two years, through multiple staff transitions, uncertain funding and some really difficult situations. In the last few months, my motivation and desire to stay with the organization has been diminishing as it has become increasingly clear that we lacked good leadership and direction. One afternoon, I received a phone call from LA County Department of Public Health with a job offer to come work in the planning, development and evaluation department. What excellent news!

I began to plan my departure and figure out how to break the news to my one remaining co-worker that I would be leaving her to run this struggling organization on her own. After turning in my letter of resignation on a Thursday, things really began to explode. We had an argument the following Tuesday and accusations and distrust blossomed where before there had seemed to be a close working relationship. Last week I think I cried at least ten times because I felt so betrayed and angered. We stumbled through the week, barely speaking to each other, yet falsely smiling on the outside and pretending everything was fine. Finally, last Friday it became clear that I needed to get out immediately, so I cleared out my desk, saved my files and left the office for good.

Throughout, I kept praying for strength and courage to end well but everything still seemed to be collapsing into chaos. Kind co-workers sought me out and prayed for me when I didn't know what to do and helped me not feel so depressed about leaving so abruptly. Although there's still some lingering anger and bitterness, I begin to see how it is really a good thing to have some time off between jobs. I never would have chosen to end my job this way, but now I have the space to reflect on grad school and travel to visit friends. This experience confirms that God is sovereign in every situation and that he is worthy of unconditional trust.

2009-10-17T19:31:00.000-07:00

Flying Triathletes!

2009-09-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

This is our triathlon team that competed on September 13th at Zuma Beach. As you can see, we are not only great at swimming, biking and running but also at flying.

Returning from Sacramento

2009-09-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

It has been almost a year since my last post and of course there is too much to post here.

The past few days and weeks have been incredible which is why I'm posting now. I'm in the airport returning from Sacramento after a week of the Women's Policy Institute. It is a public policy training program and we have been learning all about how bills are drafted, heard in policy committees and (hopefully) signed into law by the governor. The other fellows are all ages and backgrounds, some run their own organizations in domestic violence, elder services, environmental policy and reproductive justice to name a few. In only a 4 short days, I've bonded with my team over sushi and laughter and I can't wait to continue working together on our policy project. Our team will select an issue related to elders and will shepherd it through the legislative process in hopes of creating an effective law. Over the next three retreats, I know all 24 fellows will grow closer and I'm sure many may become life-long friends.

Another really incredible adventure began this past Sunday at 3:40am. I awoke groggily to pile my bike into the car and drive to Malibu to compete in the team triathlon with Children's Hospital LA. Our relay team consisted of Scott swimming 1/2 mile, me biking 18 miles and Gerardo running the final 4 miles. I felt really nervous leading up to the event, but once I got on my bike my anxieties melted away and I loved the sensation of flying down the open road. The sense of accomplishment and the joy of doing something together is addictive, so hopefully I'll get to race again soon. I'll post pictures in a later post.

Both these experiences were about overcoming fear and learning to trust God. There is nothing like going out on a limb for focusing the mind. I'm so grateful to God for providing these opportunities and can't wait for the next adventure.

Christmas is Coming!

2008-11-28T22:09:00.000-08:00

I get to go home to Georgia in about two weeks! I've posted this picutre of my adorable DJ wearing his santa hat because I am really excited about this Christmas. Thanksgiving was only yesterday but I am already looking forward to being with my family.

I've tried to resist the urge to buy all kinds of Christmas gifts for friends and family now that I have a stable job. Last Christmas, I gave hardly any presents because I had no money. But it is very tempting now and I'm trying to figure out how to steward money well. What types of gifts will endure and are actually worth giving? I've thought about supporting World Vision or Advent Conspiracy to provide farm animals and drinking water to poorer countries, but I guess a part of me likes receiving a gift I can use or cherish myself. Is that selfish? Sigh...

I just received a really cool gift from my Aunt, it was a clear plastic container with 5 types of beans, a seasoning bag and a recipe for bean soup. The container is reusable, the soup will be yummy and clearly the gift isn't just something she bought. She knows I like to cook and it really made me pause and be grateful for her thoughfulness. Now if only I could come up with great ideas like that for all the people I'd like to bless this Christmas.

On Sunday, I'm going to go down to Skid Row with my church, Christian Assembly to distribute blankets, socks, and clothes to the homeless. Every year we bring a hot meal and offer prayer to anyone who will accept it. I used to go every week back when I lived in Highland Park and it really helped me to see and understand what Jesus meant when he said to love the least of these. The most amazing thing is how far a little love can go...we witnessed people on skid row coming to faith and even those who had spent years there, breaking down crying as they heard that Jesus still loved them no matter what mistakes they had made in the past. The transformation isn't just limited to those we sought to serve, but many of the volunteers say that their faith has been deepened by seeing God manifest himself unmistakably. Please keep this ministry in prayer.

Merry Christmas and may the Lord Jesus Christ be glorified by all the nations!

Retreat! Retreat!

2008-09-23T21:38:00.001-07:00

I turn 24 this Sunday. How crazy is that? If I haven't told you already and you're reading this, please come to a BIRTHDAY PARTY that we're having at 1pm on Saturday (Sept 27th) for cool Oxy people, born at the end of September, whose names begin with "J" The music, spoken word, food and fun will be held at Jess, Sharon, and Jess' house on Budlong. Call me if you need directions...

I have great hopes for this year as I am entering my 2nd year in Servant Partners. This past year has really gone by quickly but God has been so good through it all. We taught ESL classes to our neighbors, prayed and fasted for our community and I have seen so many amazing things come to pass.

This past weekend I took a weekend to just get away from the lunacy that is Los Angeles. Sharon, Jenny, Dia and I fled the city to a monastery in Riverside where we took a day and a half to just rest, pray and listen to God about this upcoming year in the internship. The nuns have opened their house up to visitors and they have beautiful gardens and a stone labyrinth. The labyrinth is a walkway partitioned with brick that winds back and forth until you reach the center. It is an incredible devotional practice to pray and walk because it symbolizes how God leads us perfectly and how we cannot rely on our own understanding. While I was there, I also saw a coyote, hummingbirds, and a black woodpecker and it reminds me of how beautiful creation is. We ended the weekend by doing Lectio Devina on Isaiah 42: 1-9

Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations.
He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;he will not falter of be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope.

This is what God the LORD says-he who created the heavens and stretched them out,
who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it, who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it:

"I the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you to be a convenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles,
to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

"I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols.
See the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you."

What a beautiful promise to hold on to...I pray that I this scripture would really inform how I see the world and interact with people.

2008-06-07T19:41:00.000-07:00

This is my internship class at our Palomar Retreat in Mid-May. As you can see we take each other very seriously. The retreat was an incredible time of bonding with community and taking some time to rest and stop worrying about life so much. I really loved the time to reflect on the year and how God has been teaching me to care for my neighbors and grow in community. We got to shoot rifles and ride horses and of course just enjoy being out of the city. One thing that came out of the retreat for me was the need to communicate with my roommates better and share more vulnerably because I can't do this alone. Lately we've been able to pray more together and really trust each other which has been great.

After a long absence...

2008-06-03T21:57:00.000-07:00

So, I know I've been away from my blog for a while but I'm back now. Life has been absolutely crazy, but it a good way because I love my new job and it challenges me daily. Right now is a really exciting time to be in the health policy field because the healthcare system in LA County is really under a lot of pressure because of budget cuts. Many hospitals and ERs are closing or at risk of closing and it is scary to think of our healthcare system going into a complete meltdown. Our work consists of gathering the data and synthesizing it into a clear message that people can understand and take a stand on. Every day I'm learning something new and it is so gratifying to feel like I can work for my community in SouthLA both from the policy side at work and at the community level with Servant Partners.

Our ministry projects are underway and our team is pioneering an ESL class for local spanish speakers. We average about 4-5 people a week and focus on speaking and comprehension of English. Our students are moms, construction workers, and are all very enthusiastic about getting one-on-one help with learning English. It has been great to partner with Iva as she teaches and to learn how to delegate tasks, cooperate, and come up with innovative ideas for the class. In the meantime, we are also beginning our "gifts project" which involves reading a book and soliciting advice from others on what our natural and acquired gifts are. In other words, we are trying to figure out what we excel at and how to focus our energy on honing those skills while also strengthening those that are not as strong.

Please pray for me during this time because life can get extremely hectic and full and at times it is difficult to remember to pray and maintain healthy relationships. Yet, God is awesome even in the midst of busyness. My roommates and I are growing closer through learning to share our lives more fully it has been incredible to see how we can each be a part of each other's healing and growth. I'd be happy to elaborate in person on this so please write to me if you'd like more details. Thanks!

I Got at Job! Praise God!!!

2008-03-25T22:50:00.000-07:00

Today I finally heard back from LA Health Action on the Program Assistant position that I've been hoping to get, and they want to hire me! I'm so jazzed about this position because its exactly what I have been looking for-health policy and advocacy. Not only that, but it also has a generous benefits package, great pay, public transit is reimbursed, Christmas off, and two weeks vacation. I've been in a state of euphoria all day today, and feel a compulsive urge to hug everybody! Or as I'm walking down the street, I imagine there is a great big thought bubble above my head that reads, "This person is extremely happy!"

I have to give glory to God for this job because many times I could have settled for something else, or gone the "safe" route but I clearly sensed God telling me to wait on his timing and to be patient. Previously I was offered another job at a community hospital that could have been a good option, but they wanted a decision right away and I wanted to wait on this job. So, they took someone else and I felt really vulnerable staking all my hopes on this uncertain job prospect. However, God has a reason for everything and my roommate pointed out that having waited so long for a job I am now more able to trust God and depend on him completely to provide. So many times I prayed against anxiety and experienced peace that didn't make sense, and I have seen that he is faithful.

One verse that has been particularly fitting is Romans 8:28-- And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. How true this is!

If you're interested in the organization that I'll be working for, here is their website: www.lahealthaction.org andI'll be working there as a Program Assistant.

Ruthless Trust

2008-03-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading an excellent book by Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust: A Ragamuffin's Path the God, and it has some great insight on what it means to trust God with everything. Trust is one of those elusive things that cannot be summoned, but simply wells up within us in response to seeing God's faithfulness in our lives. At the end of the book, Brennan modifies a familiar scripture, "I trust you Lord, help my lack of trust!" I really relate to this sentiment because it is so difficult for me to let go of all my elaborate plans for the future, and simply to say, "Daddy, your will be done."

This morning, a friend sent me this article and it seems very fitting for the mood that I'm in. Hope you enjoy it!

"Shelter of the Swallow" by Michal Ann Goll

Of all the men and women in the Bible who came to know God intimately, King David was certainly one who understood what it meant to enter the secret place of the Holy Spirit. In Psalm 84, he paints a sensitive and inviting word picture for us.

Psalm 84 ~ To the Chief Musician; set to a Philistine lute, or [possibly] a particular Gittite tune. A Psalm of the sons of Korah.

1. HOW LOVELY are Your tabernacles, O Lord of hosts!

2. My soul yearns, yes, even pines and is homesick for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out and sing for joy to the living God.

3. Yes, the sparrow has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young--even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God.

4. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are those who dwell in Your house and Your presence; they will be singing Your praises all the day long. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

5. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion.

6. Passing through the Valley of Weeping (Baca), they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills [the pools] with blessings.

7. They go from strength to strength [increasing in victorious power]; each of them appears before God in Zion.

8. O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

9. Behold our shield [the king as Your agent], O God, and look upon the face of Your anointed!

10. For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand [anywhere else]; I would rather be a doorkeeper and stand at the threshold in the house of my God than to dwell [at ease] in the tents of wickedness.

11. For the Lord God is a Sun and Shield; the Lord bestows [present] grace and favor and [future] glory (honor, splendor, and heavenly bliss)! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

12. O Lord of hosts, blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts in You [leaning and believing on You, committing all and confidently looking to You, and that without fear or misgiving]

Recently, when I read this wonderful psalm I was in a quiet and reflective mood with the Lord. I felt Him drawing my attention to verse 3: “Yes, the sparrow has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young—even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God.”

This scripture is one of my most treasured possessions! It was treasured by my grandmother and then by my mother. It has become part of my family heritage. The more scripture we have hidden away in our hearts the greater the opportunity we give to God to speak into our beings. I have one such experience I’d like to share with you.

A Lesson from Nature

Sometime ago, my girls and I were over at our neighbor’s place where they were taking riding lessons. As the horses were being brought in, groomed, and saddled up, I happened to look up and see a barn swallow’s nest built against the rafters of the barn. "What a delightful find!" I thought to myself.

Personally, I think that barn swallows are some of the most beautiful birds in God’s creation. They have such an iridescent bluish, black coloring on their backs, and their faces, throats, and breasts are rich shades of deep orange. These precious little creatures perform like flying acrobats as they swoop and dive after insects in the early evening light.

As I stood there admiring these fascinating little birds, the Lord began to weave together for me an understanding of Psalm 84 using these beautiful swallows. I found myself thinking what an accurate picture the sons of Korah had painted concerning the nature of swallows, especially when building their nests.

A swallow will first find a structure where there is a supply of mud close by. It will carry mud and twigs in its little beak, making trip after trip. Then it carefully constructs its nest, placing the mud on a board up close to the ceiling of the barn, creating a mud-dauber type of structure. The outside of the nest is very solid and very secure. Yet, the inside of the nest is lined with down feathers and is soft, warm, and inviting!

The thought struck me: Swallows build their nests the way they do because, instinctively, they know that the safest place to build is up against the wall. On the other hand, we use the expression “up against the wall” to describe a place of inner struggle where we may feel trapped or feel that we’ve run out of options, and we have no place to run and no way out.

Oh, that we would learn from the swallow the wisdom of God, that we would let our Divine Shepherd’s leading and guiding become so deep in us so as to mirror the powerful instincts built within His creation. May He build within the fabric of our lives the truth that the place of abiding is found where difficulty crosses our will and our fear. That is actually the safest place.

Where She May Lay Her Young

The sons of Korah said, “Yes, the sparrow has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young—even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God.” We can rest our young in the shelter of that holy, wonderful presence, also. It doesn’t matter if our young happens to be our children, our dreams, our goals, our ministries, our gifts.

This shelter, this nest is not for us alone. It’s also a place for those concerns in our lives that matter most to us. There our fragile, tender, developing “young” can be nurtured and protected under the loving wings of God.

On our own, apart from the Lord, we don’t know how to build a nest that’s secure. We don’t know where our hiding place is a lot of times. The nests of security we build out of what the world has to offer are not anchored. They offer no real security, only the illusion of it.

God’s Word is filled with assurances that He wants to be a shelter for us in times of trouble. He wants to be our rock (see Ps. 92), our fortress (see Ps. 18), and our strong tower (see Prov. 18). These are all good images of places to where we can flee when danger has come upon us and we need a temporary hiding place. Yet, these are not intended as places to live for a long time.

What’s so wonderful about the imagery in Psalm 84 is that a nest is more than an emergency shelter. A nest is where you can live always. Here you can abide in peace when everything around us is being shaken or everything around you is still.

Where Is Your Nest?

Where is your nest? What do you trust in for your security, peace, and strength? If you know the Lord as your God and Savior—has He become for you a nest where your spirit can flee to find the shelter it needs?

Yes, the sparrow has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself. David and so many others found their rest at the altars of the Lord. And now it’s your turn. Softly, tenderly, quietly He’s calling you from the depths of His wonderful presence. How will you respond? Will you join Him in the secret place?

2008-02-09T23:53:00.000-08:00

From Left to Right: Jenny and Scott or wait is it Scott and Jenny? I just can't tell with their clever disguises...

This dragon definitely looked hungry when he came up to me!

Happy Chinese New Year!

2008-02-09T18:20:00.000-08:00

Today I organized a group of people to go out for Dim Sum in Chinatown to celebrate Chinese New Year and watch the parade. We feasted on lots of tasty dishes such as chicken feet, shrimp dumplings, BBQ pork buns, and taro root cakes. After lunch we heard the dragon dancing in the street to loud drumbeats and cymbals, and ran outside to watch. Next, the Shaolin monks stopped in front of us and a guy in did several flips and impressive moves for us. Lots of dignitaries came by in the parade, waving and smiling, including the LA mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa loudly declaring, "Happy Chinese New Year. The year of the Rat!"

Another tradition that I love during Chinese New Year is when married couples give red pockets, or "hong bao" to the younger generation. Earlier this week at my Aunt's house, several Aunts and Uncles and even some married cousins showered me with red enveloped filled with money. However, this year I received an especially unexpected "hong bao" from my community in Servant Partners. I have not been working since shortly before Christmas because my position at Community Health Councils could no longer be funded. So I have been job searching for over a month without any good job leads. My savings were about depleted and I could not pay next month's rent and bills. Without my knowledge, my community took up a collection for me and gave me a significant financial gift that is more than I ever could have imagined receiving. I am still in awe of people's generosity and willingness to give even when they are struggling to make ends meet. The scripture verse accompanying the money was: Matthew 5-..."Seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be givien to you as well..."

How true it is that God hears and answers prayers through his people!

Trusting God in Everything

2008-01-30T23:54:00.000-08:00

I have witnessed several miracles in the past few days that I really must share to give glory to God. God is moving powerfully here in LA, and I am totally amazed. The first miracle actually repeated itself three times as we began our ministry projects this week. Scott and I wanted to meet our neighbors but the rain kept pouring, so we prayed that it would stop. We stepped outside, and the sun came out. This happened not just once, but for all three days that we went out, the rain miraculously stopped afted we prayed and started walking. Isn't God amazing?

This past weekend our internship team went on a retreat in Santa Monica, and Saturday night my roommate's back was hurting really badly, so we prayed for her. As we were praying, our team leader said he had a sense that we should go outside and pray for her in the rain! Soon after that, another teammate said that he felt that in order for us to pray for physical healing, we must first repent of sin within our community. Several people took the opportunity to confess ways that we had harbored feelings of envy, bitterness, and resentment towards our teammates or allowed negative comparisons to come between us. I personally confessed how I wrestled with feelings of inadequacy and would self-censor my opinions for fear of being judged by those I deemed more learned or gifted in speaking.

At first standing in the rain sounded crazy, but several other people said they felt that we should do it. We stood out in the rain, seeking God's forgiveness and mercy, and confessing our sins and literally letting him wash them away with the rain. We knelt on the ground and asked to be cleansed and healed, and it reminded me a lot of being baptized by the rainwater. His power moved and my friend's pain went away. We came back inside and sang hymns and worshipped with great joy. That night is one that I won't forget soon, and I pray and hope that it will be a turning point for our team to trust one another.

Life in the SP Internship

2008-01-28T21:12:00.000-08:00

I'm starting a blog of my experiences in the Servant Partners internship because I want to keep people updated on all the great things God is doing in Los Angeles. For those of you that don't know, I'm doing an urban ministry internship that focuses on builing community ties with neighbors and sharing the gospel through those relationships. It is focused on urban areas where poverty, inadequate housing, and poor health is common and seeks to be a force of compassion and grace in the midst of the city.

1001 Tales of Manila

2007-09-28T00:31:00.000-07:00

I'm posting the following three accounts from my time in Manila in September 2007. If you received my emails from that time, you've probably already read these stories but in case you didn't please memorize them, and next time we meet I will expect a full recitation. Enjoy!

Hello Friends,

Manganang Tang Halit! Good Afternoon! I've been in Manila for about 4 days and it has been amazing. We got here at 4am on Saturday morning, and took a colorful Jeepney (WWII style army vehicles) out to our community along the tracks. I'm staying in a three story house with three other teammates, and just next door we have some great neighbors who own several fish, a pet duck, and a rooster that wakes us up at 5:30 am every morning. Our house has running water when we plug in the pump, but we still take bucket showers and make sure that we don't drink the tap. The community is built along the railroad tracks, and several of the houses are only a few feet away from the trains the come by every couple of hours. To get to Aaron and Ema's house, the Servant Partners missionaries who live and work here, we cross over the tracks that span the river. Its a little precarious, because there are large gaps with boards nailed over the holes, and I have to be careful not to slip or drop anything. So far we're had hot and humid weather; but its not too bad inside in front of a fan.

One of my favorite things to do here is play with the kids, who love to ask us our names and play "down by the banks" a hand-slap game. They're really adorable and have beautiful smiles even though they live in a slum community full of garbage. People regularly bathe and wash clothes outside, and some cook their food outside on smoldering fires between the tracks. Dogs and cats are everywhere, and some even have hutches of chickens. It has been challenging to wrestle with my faith when I see such desperate poverty, and wonder why such a place exists. Yet, people here are genuinely filled with the spirit, and seem hopeful and I loved being able to worship with them in they're one room chuch that meets every sunday.

One major issue that hangs over the whole place is its imminent destruction because the railroad company is paying people to relocate because they want to improve the tracks, but first must peacefully relocate all the squatters who have been living here for more than 15 years. Several homes have already been torn down, but it is uncertain when it will be completely destroyed but we are praying that it won't be until next summer so that the kids can continue to go to school. Please pray for people to be able to transition to another place, and the the government would be just as it seeks to uproot all of these families that have nowhere else to go.

Yesteday, we took a train out to another more rural squatter community called Cogeo, where Ema's mother works with the local church. She sells powdered milk and soap to support herself and is like a traveling minister, doctor, and psychiatrist who helps the people with everything from paying doctor's bills to delivering children. It is amazing to me that someone who has so little is still able to give so generously, and her love of God is apparent in the way she interacts with people. Many of the people who will have to relocate, will end up moving out to the other squatter community but it will be difficult since it is so much farther from the center of the city.

Personally, I am having a great time bonding with my teammates, learning Tagalog, and playing with the kids. Later this week we will have homestays with some of the local families which will give us a chance to see what an average day looks like, and hopefully have more meaningful relationships develop. Please pray for good health on our team, and that we would continue to dialogue with God about what it means to be learning about urban ministry in a slum community. This trip is supposed to be a retreat and give us an opportunity to reflect and learn as much as possible. Its not far from the internet cafe, so I hope to be able to keep in touch. Please write back with your address, especially if you'd like me to send you a postcard!

Love,

Jessica

Update #3-Loving Balic-Balic

Hello Friends,

Maganang Gabi! Good Evening! Its already been over a week since we got here, and so much has happened since my last update. I have come to love the people that live here on the tracks, especially my host family. They live less than three feet from the train tracks and operate a little convenience store that sells soap, candy, soda, cooking supplies, and other items. Ate Joanne (the mom) has three kids: Gellie Anne, Iren, and James (aka Jam-Jam) and they all live in a small two story house with clever places for hanging clothes, storing items, and it is incredible to me how so many people live in such a small space. Iren is an exceptionally smart 8 year old and speaks English so well that sometimes I forget that it isn't her first language. Her little brother Jam-Jam is a rambunctious 5 year old who loves to climb and hang from the ceiling on towels hung out to dry. They're both lots of fun to play with, and Iren is getting me to teach her Chinese while she teaches me Tagalog. Ate Joanne makes excellent meals for us and is always willing for us to come by and talk about anything.

On Sunday we went to a church in Welfareville, another squatter community located down the tracks from Balic-Balic. We rode on a cart that used the railroad tracks and is hand powered by someone pushing it from behind. We rode past several homes that have already been demolished, and it is very desolate there. Empty shells of homes that have piles of garbage inside, littered with broken glass, and in some places broken water pipes create putrid pools of water. It reminds me of old photos of Hiroshima or Nagasaki because there is nothing left of the vibrant community that used to be there. What is worse is imagining the same thing happening to the community in Balic-Balic, but it is already underway with people moving away and destroying their own homes. The government has offered some compensation to those who move willingly, but it is still a difficult transition to make.

On a brighter note, last night we went up to the roof to worship and afterwards celebrated everyone who has a birthday in September, including me. Aaron brought Balut for us all to try, which are partially developed duck embryo eggs that have been boiled. I tried some, but couldn't get past the feathers and beak, but the part that I ate was pretty tasty. We had mango and Taro root cake for dessert, and then had a disney movie sing a long. I really am coming to love my teammates because they are a really diverse, funny, and often eccentric group of people. However, we are all starting to get sick, so please pray for health and wellness for all of us. That's about all for now but I hope to write at least once more before I leave. Hope you are all well and thank you for writing back,

Much Love,

Jessica

Update #4-Final Greetings from Balic-Balic

Hello Friends,

Its my last full day here in Manila, and its difficult to think about leaving this place because I know that in less than a couple of months it will be demolished and it will only live on in my memory. The people that I have come to love and care for will be scattered to other communities, and the Balic-Balic church will be no more. Yet it is not a complete calamity because even Jesus says that in order for his church to grow and prosper we must be scattered over the earth to be salt and light in places of darkness. In other words, though this particular community will be destroyed, each leader within the church will go on to lead others to Christ. This morning when I said good morning to Ate Joanne she told me that she plans to remain in Manila and rent a room with her husband and three kids, but that she will be glad to move away from the railroad tracks since they are so dangerous. The other friends that I have met here will relocate as well, but hopefully they will be able form a new chuch out in Cogeo (a more rural squatter community) where several people are moving to.

On Monday, we rode a railroad cart out to Pandacan, which is further down the tracks from Balic-Balic where several homes have already been demolished. We saw several people hacking away with large mallets at broken walls, and bulldozers clearing piles of rubble away. In several places, people wandered forlornly through the garbage searching for anything they could sell or eat. We crossed over the Pasig River, a turbid, murky green river with swamp cabbage and garbage floating by. The bridge is made of wooden blocks with the rails nailed on top, and we passed quickly hoping that we wouldn't meet an oncoming train or hit a rough spot on the tracks and have to get off the cart, since we were up about 40 feet over the water. Thankfully we made it safely there, and saw another squatter community that is built at the base of several petroleum tanks. Every election year, politicians will sponsor some sort of community improvement project, and in 1995 they built a nice stone river walkway with painted railings and swings along the river. The irony is that this is just a cosmetic improvement that really does nothing to help the squatters who live there, except make it marginally prettier. It is frustrating to see how politics works here, with so many empty promises and still no real change happening.
This morning, we rode a Jeepney to the Divisoria which is strikingly like the street markets in Hong Kong with thousands of vendors hawking their wares. I found some really great towels and pot holders, and learned how to be fearless in crossing the street in between Jeepneys and motorcycle taxis. As we were heading home, Joseph waved down a street vendor selling fried bananas, and he chased down our Jeepney through traffic to sell them to us. I am really going to miss all people and activity that is happening at any given time during the day here, but it will be good to come home. Thank you for reading my updates and for keeping us in your prayers. I will keep you posted periodically on our adventures in South LA once I return.

Love,
Jessica